anti-climatic *sob sob*

hhmmmfff... i was full of energy and vibrance today after all that hype that happened at the opera house and my encounter with edward... but... i guess its when u hit the peak of a specific emotion... the natural thing is to go down.. and i just felt extremely down by early evening....

i was assisting a ballet class... demonstrating as usual to the students in the class... suddenly something hit me... it hit me hard... i felt my mood just went so low that there is no way i could pick it up again... i was extremely upset and down.... i thought to myself... I WANT TO PERFORM... i want to dance and perform on stage for audience. but no way will tat ever happen... its upsetting... for, the next step that i was planning to do, was to either do my MA, which is completely theoretical, or teach, which is hardly considered performance... hence there is no possibilites of me performing on stage.. and i just feel so sad, for, performing has always been what i aimed and worked towards... not teaching...

hmmmf.... i dun feel any better after spilling out my feelings... in fact... it made me see the fact even more clearly that i will never get a chance to dance in a company, to do pas de deux, to do repertoire, etc... it's so difficult for me to accept the fact that... i've to let my passion and dream go...

if only... i can set up my own dance company, doing things that i lurve.... and passionate about... choreography and performance.... if only.... unfortunately... my loved ones will not be able to comprehend my passion and would urge me to be sensible and do something that could at least put food on the table.... hmmmf....

havent felt like tis for a long time...

cant remember when was the last time i felt the same way as i was today... it was uplifting, and a great deal of mixed feelings.. i was excited...nervous... uncontrollably happy, speechlessly shy (very unlikely huh..but yes.. it happened...) but nevertheless.. i got home in one piece...
it made my day... i wanted to run away... there was not an ounce of courage left in me, my feet were like jelly and my voice was lost... but i hang in there and managed to get through this long awaited moment....

it was very very pleasant.. he was so soft spoken, gentle and calming... simply amazing... he looked so sharp... but yet he is like a really soft, gentle angel... bless him... :) share my joy :)
well.. i know he is not exactly a good looking chap... but... he look like a dracula... dun u think... and i like draculas...hahahah and i like gaunts..hahahaha

oh and p.s... i cant help it but i have to praise the texture of my hair.. hahaha gosh.. its so silky and shiny under the circumstances of the hard london water, and screwed up weather... hahahaha.. and by the way.. i dun use any products... and i dun rebond.. hahahah.. i am so pleased with my hair.. hahahaha (gosh... have to stop praisin myself)
*pixie* in lala land :P

SENSATIONAL DANCER

more pix of this sensational dancer...
this is my fave pix... :P
ed wif makeup before a show i reckon




MacMillan's My Brother, My Sisters. He was phenomenal!!!!

his latest work: castle nowhere... dun u think he look like DRACULA??? hahaha i like
Wayne McGregor's Qualia.... he was simply unbelievable in it.. the way he moved... i think only he could move it like tat....

hot flavor of the month: EDWARD WATSON

fine dancer... his talents are finally recognised! I am so pleased to witness wonderful work coming from an outstanding individual.
known for his flexibility and ground-breaking (not literally) leaps...

oh.. saw him in action yesterday... at a rehearsal at the royal opera house... it was very up close and personal. he was dancing with zen (another hot fave dancer of mine). he had a porcelain complexion, most gentle and soft expression... he looked like a fragile kid that u would just wanna cup ur warm hands to his cheeks... argh.... and the way he moves.. gosh.. his hyperextended joints are definitely my cup of tea.. hahahaha these are obviously what i like in a dancer... not to most ppl in this field... hyperextended elbows, a big NO-NO, and soft frail looking face in a male dancer is clearly a No-No i suppose...

but edward has a set of sharp.. very very sharp facial features... but through these sharp features, there is an immense capacity of softness to balance that sharpness...

looking forward to his performance next friday... can't wait... i hope there are dvds of him.. and i regret missing his performance as romeo in r&j... i believe he is fantastic... for i feel.. romeo is a role where the male dancer had to be 'soft' and romantic.. and not a strong bravura dancer...

well.. he is definitely my dancer of the month, and the many months to come... at this moment, roberto and him... top my charts! :)

on the verge of tears....

just came back from a nite of breath-taking performance by the royal ballet. they performed Romeo & Juliet. Juliet was danced by Darcey Bussell, and Romeo was none other than Roberto Bolle.
roberto has always been my top fave dancer. no other male dancers are better than him, well..none that i have seen could match his immaculate technique and versatility in dance expression and acting. he is literally the perfect dancer. darcey, as everyone would regard as their favourite ballerina, but not for me. i felt, she is too commercial, and being a royal ballet school trained dancer, she lack the acting skills to shine in dramatic roles. however, having said that, she took my breath away today...
when darcey first appeared on stage, i was skeptical about her performance, wondering how can a mother of 2, bring out the essence of a 16 year old Juliet. indeed, she managed to do it. she is a tall lady, but she managed to express herself to be smaller than what she is, and brings out that innocence in her. i was utterly impressed.

anyway.. back to the performance. firstly, they are the royal ballet, hence i dun see a point of watching so much into their technique... for god's sake they are the royal ballet, they ought to demonstrate amazing leaps and multiple turns and neat intricate footwork as required in the repertoire... hence i focused mainly on the facial expression of the dancers. which i personally believe, a dancer is a juxtaposition of a mastery in acting, music and sports. dancing is not just doing movement, spinning, jumping and doing steps as told... its' that extra X factor that a dancer should have, to make one shine and stand out from the many....

i have seen so many ballets, live, videos, dvd, and so many different version of romeo and juliet, and by different casts... before tonite, i thought tamara rojo and alessandra ferri were the most perfect juliets... well... they are... however, their romeo were not strong enuff artistically to bring out the best in them... (which i have seen, tamara rojo wif carlos acosta and david makthelli, and alessandra ferri wif angel corella, julio bocca, etc.. alina and johan.. ahem.. not even close to any comparision...) i am always critical of what i see, and i watch and learn of all the different limits each dancer can stretch... i have never ever been moved to tears by anyone's performance, apart from tonite... tis performance by roberto and darcey is breathtaking... they literally took my breath away and the rest of the cast, were so involved in their own character, it was believing that each and everyone of them grown a passion for their character...
as an audience, i felt a sense of communication from the dancer to me.. it's to the extend that.. through their expression, i can feel their pain, joy, playfulness, innocence, and anger...

and roberto as romeo is perfect. his warmth and passion for juliet seemed to illuminate the entire stage, and transmitted through sound waves to the audience ( i cannot speak for everyone, but myself as an audience, i could feel it... and it felt extraordinary, and indescribable)

after watching it... i thought... well... it's shakesphere.... but in the 21st century... will we ever feel that intense love and passion? and when we finally felt this magical force of intensity, will it stay for long, or is it just a one-hit-wonder? well... i hope i can feel it again one day... i would love to find my romeo one day... be touched and swept off my feet... hahaha dun we all wish to be juliet now?

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn

Is just to love and be loved in return."

*pixie*

feelin downstairs today...

today has been such a slow and polyester day.. feelin downstairs whole day :'(
hmmmf...
the weather was sunny and nice today.. but it didnt lift my mood...
went to harrods today... got a lil' gift for my dancers, as a thank you thing... for they are performing in my choreography tis cummin thurs...
so excited and nervous....
went to waitrose to get my fave chocolate chip cookie.. damnz... sold out... ARGH!!!!!!!!!!
so sian... the day just get worse every second....