anti-climatic *sob sob*

hhmmmfff... i was full of energy and vibrance today after all that hype that happened at the opera house and my encounter with edward... but... i guess its when u hit the peak of a specific emotion... the natural thing is to go down.. and i just felt extremely down by early evening....

i was assisting a ballet class... demonstrating as usual to the students in the class... suddenly something hit me... it hit me hard... i felt my mood just went so low that there is no way i could pick it up again... i was extremely upset and down.... i thought to myself... I WANT TO PERFORM... i want to dance and perform on stage for audience. but no way will tat ever happen... its upsetting... for, the next step that i was planning to do, was to either do my MA, which is completely theoretical, or teach, which is hardly considered performance... hence there is no possibilites of me performing on stage.. and i just feel so sad, for, performing has always been what i aimed and worked towards... not teaching...

hmmmf.... i dun feel any better after spilling out my feelings... in fact... it made me see the fact even more clearly that i will never get a chance to dance in a company, to do pas de deux, to do repertoire, etc... it's so difficult for me to accept the fact that... i've to let my passion and dream go...

if only... i can set up my own dance company, doing things that i lurve.... and passionate about... choreography and performance.... if only.... unfortunately... my loved ones will not be able to comprehend my passion and would urge me to be sensible and do something that could at least put food on the table.... hmmmf....